Is this thing on? Can anybody hear me? *tap tap tap*
Blogging is both the easiest and the hardest thing for me to do. Easy, because I have always been a sort of human vessel that just pours forth everything that filters through me... it's very hard for me to self-edit, I just sort of spit out whatever it is that I am thinking or feeling without restraint. Always have.
And hard- because I am showing a very intimate side of myself when I write... despite all the fluffier pieces here and there about movies and fashion and other distractions, I am a person with a lot of serious baggage to handle, I've been through some very hard things, and exposing my life honestly & openly to the world is scary and intimidating. It's very easy to imagine how people might judge me about my clinical depression and my health problems, or my feelings about my little sister's murder and her murderer, or my other various trials and tribulations.
A big part of the reason I continue posting about these personal things like depression and loss is because I know there are people out there who are going through the same crap I am, who feel all alone, and who are afraid to talk about it openly. I hope to give those people some kind of sense that they are not alone. As for everyone else, I'm just hoping to maybe inform and entertain a little or just make 'em smile on occasion.
But the hardest thing about blogging is to keep going on when there is little or no feedback. Without comments, I have no idea if anyone is even reading this. Am I just throwing words into the world wide universe? Or are you guys lurking out there?
Previously, I blogged regularly for7 years before taking a break, so I am familiar with the frustration of receiving little feedback- it happens. And as a reader of blogs myself, I understand that lurking is not personal, I do it sometimes, too (though I have recently made a conscious decision to actually comment on the blogs I love, and it's been a really rewarding thing so far!) But since I am starting all over again here, it's easy to feel a little discouraged when I don't know if anyone is even reading any of this.
So if you're reading- drop a comment! Let me know my mike is plugged in, so to speak. Because without your feedback, I feel like I am, quite literally, blogging into the void...