Trying to wind down after a hardcore day (and night) of illness & convalescence. I had a rough day today. My body crapped out on me. I'm so tired of being sick & tired. I'm only 35 but my body sometimes behaves like it's 70... *grumble*
I've had various health problems most of my life, and I have always imagined that if I lived in the way-old days, I'd be one of those white-ruffly-nightdress-ed ladies that always got the vapors and spent most of their time lying abed, hand pressed to forehead dramatically. But since I do not live in olden times, I am instead just that chick who sometimes falls down in a faint, most usually not in a white ruffly nightdress. Fainting sucks!
Fainting has actually been a big problem of late. Right now I am sporting a nice, purply bruised lump at my hairline (and a lingering headache) from my head kissing floor during an early morning faint. I have a rather new scar above my eyebrow from a faint a few weeks ago (another one dammit, though it does kinda give me that fetching deadly assassin-ish type look) Also I have a little cut by my lip right now from yet another recent faint. I look like I've been brawling! The fact that my room- where the fainting has happened lately- has a superhard concrete floor doesn't help. Doh.
The fainting is happening because of my blood pressure issues, which are being exacerbated because of stress. And when it gets hot (like it has been lately with the crazy 105 degree temps) my blood pressure is even more apt to spike up easily, increasing faintage potential. I am in a stressful living situation right now (UNDERSTATEMENT), so decreasing the stress is not that easy right now. I'm sorta stuck here in a toxic (for me) environment- for the moment. Luckily, it looks like I will be moving out soon; we're just looking for the right mobile home now, as soon as we find it, I'm outta here!
In the meantime, I just hafta keep on keeping on and try to at least make light of things- I've long been known for finding humor in the grimmest situations so, lucky me.
And I could be doing better in terms of taking care of myself lately. There- I admit it.
I've been eating a crappy diet (and not eating nearly enough), I've not been sleeping enough, I've been pushing myself physically on those days when I know I should cool it and give my body a rest. I have to realize that I can't bully my body into not being sick. I have to- like my very dear friend recently told me- ride out the rough patches like a sailor (or a pirate, yearrgh?!) on the deck of a ship at rough seas.... roll with the swells while keeping focused on the horizon.
So, though I had a very shitty & discouraging day today, there's always tomorrow. That, and randomly stumbling across things like these brilliantly bizarre videos of Isabella Rosellini portraying the sex lives of various bugs in a sort of see-it-to-believe-it insane bug porn.
Now that shit made me laugh, and laugh and laugh. More, please!