Thursday, July 31, 2008


One year ago today, a human monster beat the life out of my beautiful little sister Haley for no reason at all. Ever since, all I can think about is to wonder....... why.

Why would anyone hurt her.

She'd regularly pull over on the way home from drive-thru restaurants to give her own dinner to homeless people she saw along the way. She worked for a while as a social worker because she wanted a job where she could help people less fortunate. And often she used her own money to help them out when no other options were available. She worked in elderly & child daycare centers for the same reason. Ditto for her substitute teaching.

Haley was probably one of the most generous humans I have ever known. She was always a give-the-shirt-off-her-back kinda girl. Material stuff meant nothing to her. What she really loved was to make friends and collect smiles from the people she helped out. If you think that sounds corny well, it does. But that doesn't mean it wasn't true. You could ask anyone who knew Haley and they would tell you the same. Haley was a goodhearted person who just liked to please other people, and to help them out.

She even helped her murderer out. He was a stranger to her and he told her he was hungry. So she helped him get food. For that kindness, she paid with her life. Had he asked for more help, I have no doubt Haley would have done what she could to help him. Instead he laid in wait for her at her place, in the dead of night, waited with gloves and duct tape and an evil heart, attacked her, bound her, terrorized her, killed her, robbed her. All for a car which he just abandoned and a computer that wasn't even worth a hundred bucks.

Why. WHY.

Now I don't have a sister anymore. After our Mom's untimely death we were the only two females left in the immediate family, and that was always a source of strength in our relationship. Now there's only me. I don't have a sister anymore.

I still don't understand. I guess I never will.

Haley- I miss you. I think about you every single day. I see shit on tv that I know that only you would appreciate, and I know we'd laugh our asses off. I miss laughing with you. You & I combined used to bring roomfuls of people down in laughter, remember? We were good together, wicked good. I'll never forget our crazy shenanigans when we lived at Gramma's. Damn we had such adventures, damn we were so bad! Remember the snake in the cemetery?? We laughed so hard. I miss those days. I want you to do my hair again. I want to reminisce. I want to hang out and smoke and eat pizza together. I want to go to the movies with you. I want to sing that silly-silly 'Sisters' song with you like we used to. I want to sit up all night on the bed, talking. I want you back. I need you. I don't know how to live without you.

I love you, Little Sis. And I MISS YOU. Always...


Emily said...

Shady will always have a little sister and she is with you. Never forget the wonderful times you shared and always ALWAYS know there is someone out there in this big wide world who thinks the same of you as you do of your sis. I wish I could take the pain away because you deserve so much more happiness than you get. I'm sure she's looking down at you right now rolling her eyes saying "oh quit moping around and take some pics." :-) hugs,

Anonymous said...


There's nothing anyone can say or do that will make everything better again, but she is with you. She will always be with you.

I love you baby girl. If you need me, you know where I am.

Anonymous said...

Keep your head up and know that she is always with you. It's hard to lose a loved one, especially the way that you lost Haley but know that time heals all wounds and one day you will be together again.

richardttu said...

Any comment I leave would sound corny or trite. But I wanted you to know you are not alone, we are all thinking of you.


Anonymous said...

I love my sister; she's the only one I have. I can't imagine how it would be to lose her. I won't even spend five seconds there, in my head, trying to imagine what it is like. I can only lend you my love from a distance when I think of how it must be for you to live in the place I can't even visit in my head. I love you...I'm so sorry. She was a beautiful soul...and I hope that piece of human debris that took her suffers, and suffers, and suffers again. ~Randi

Candice DeVille said...

I don't have the adequate words to express how this makes me feel for you. Suffice to say that it is hard to type through tears and my heart truly goes out to you. Thank you for sharing.

Shady said...

Emily... Tara... Anon... Richard... Randi... Super K... thank you all so, so much for your kind words. I appreciate them more than you can know. This week hit me harder than I was anticipating. Every time I felt like I had reached my limits, I came back here and read your comments and private emails, and regained some strength. So, THANK YOU. I don't know how I'd be making it through this without you guys, my friends...

Anonymous said...

I read your story and something hit me so hard that i broke down crying like the day I found my sister beaten and dead. She was 53years old and my big sister. A monster visited her one night as well. For what, I'll never know. We still have not found out who is responsible for taking a mother of 3. My heart and soul ache for her every day. We were sister friends. The anniversary of her death is coming in September and I don't know what that is going to look like.
The one thing I have learned the most is to be honest with my feelings and if I want to be pissed off and mad as hell, I am going to be. Sometimes sick of everyone telling me it's ok. Right now it's not ok. I am 34 years old and I have to live the rest of my life with out my sister.
I am so sorry for your loss. Have you ever read the book, "Why bad things happen to good people?" A suggestion if you like to read.
Thanks for listening.

Shady said...

Angel... I am so, so, so sorry to hear about your tragedy. Believe me when I say I understand the depth of the pain you feel. And I know it's indescribable to anyone who hasn't been through it themselves. This is the hardest thing I have ever gone through. I wish I had more words of comfort for you. All I can say is stay strong, and let yourself cry, be angry, vent, whatever you need to do. And do try to remember to eat, to drink lots of water, it's easy to let yourself get physically sick when under this kind of stress, which doesn't help matters. And hang in there. If you need a friend to talk to, I am here for you... you can reach me at shady at *hugs*