the bitch is back

So there is this girl I have known since last year, she is my cousin's girlfriend. Let's call her A. I met A when she moved here from Austin with my cousin. I knew that she was a total stranger here in El Paso, she didn't know a soul... so I opened up my home to her and tried to do everything I could to help her along. I invited her over like every other day to hang out, my home was basically open to her... cooked dinner for her... gave her rides if she needed them... included & invited her to every single family function that we had... I dug through my closets and gave her armfuls of my clothes and even some brand new shoes. I listened to her when she was upset and I defended her and stood up for her- even against my own cousin- when I saw her being treated badly. I gave her endless hugs and encouraging text messages. I was the shoulder she cried on when my cousin was arrested and shipped back to TN to do some jail time. I offered her a place to stay if she ever needed it. I even went so far as to open up my dead sister's things in storage here and let her choose a few things from them for herself. That's how much I loved and cared for her- like a sister. I was there for this girl from day one.

So back to last year.... when I first met A, I was dating the worst D-bag ever. Seriously. I only dated this guy for a grand total of 4 weeks before I dumped his ass, but in that short time, he managed to use me, to lie to me, to cheat on me (for 2 weeks of the 4), to steal money from me, to CON money from me, to use me for a place to stay, to bring all kinds of very uncool people to my home that caused mayhem, and to get me into trouble with his criminal activities. I found out about his shady dealings, his drug running, his coke habit, and his side job of beating up people for other people for money. Total scumbag material. Once I managed to uncover all of this and I realized who I was really dealing with, I called him up and said- and I quote- "apparently this is not working out, I think we should go our separate ways" Well, I guess the guy didn't appreciate being the dumpee and being dropped by a girl, so he came back with the nastiest tirade about how he never even liked me in the first place, and that he'd just been using me for cash and a place to stay, blah blah blah. I hung up and thought that was end of story. But nooo. For the next few weeks I dealt with his threatening phone messages ('you better watch your back, I know where you live, etc') and his comments to other people about how he was going to get back at me. I also had to deal with a girl that he sent after me to 'kick my ass'. He finally laid off when I told him I'd call his PO and let her know what he was doing. I never heard from him again after that. End of story... right?

So back to A. The girl I did anything and everything for and treated like a sister. She was there during this whole time and she saw what I went through because of that dick. She knew how his threats bothered me in light of the fact that my own sister lived alone and was murdered in her home (yeah, I don't take those kind of threats lightly anymore) She actually sat with me and listened to some of the phone messages. She railed against him and said what a jerk he was and how much she hated him for what he did to me. When she found out that my cousin had talked to him through a mutual friend of ours, she made a big show of acting outraged at my cousin for even talking to the guy. She hugged me, she comforted me, she promised that she had my back, always.

So imagine my shock when last night, I found out from my aunt that this girl has been HANGING OUT WITH MY EX AND THE GIRL HE CHEATED ON ME WITH...! In fact, my aunt says that A refers to the girl 'her best friend'. I didn't even know she had ever even met this girl, so I am standing there with my mouth just hanging open in shock. I even disbelieved it, at first.... until I sent a message to A. And she basically responded with- yes, she & my cousin had been hanging out with them, they were good friends of hers, and she has no clue as to why I would be upset about this.

Her response, verbatim: "I DNT SEE WHY HEATHER SO WUT U GONNA B MAD AT MIKE 2 IM SORRY IF YOU FEEL THAT WAY BUT N E WAY I THOUGHT YOU KNEW BOUT MIKE N I HANGIN WIT DEM HELL I NEVER KNO NOTHIN BUT I WILL APOLOGIZE 2 U JUST 2 KEEP U HAPPY"

What. The. F*ck??!! Is this chick insane? Does she actually not understand what a betrayal that is? To clarify- she and my cousin are also friends with some of my other exes, and I have no problem with this! Totally cool. But that is considering that my other exes never threatened me, tried to terrorize me, or tried to have someone physically hurt me. Big distinction there. And also there's the whole big show she put on about how angry she was at my cousin for talking to to the D-bag, and how horible he was for what he had done to me, etc etc etc. Then she turns around and acts puzzled as to why her having a best friendship with them would be upsetting? (not to mention how upsetting it is that my cousin- my own family- would befriend this guy instead of disliking him for what he did to me??)

So right now I am sitting here, feeling physically sick that she has some of my sister's things, and totally angry that I ever spent so much time, love and energy helping this girl out and being her friend. I am feeling again how bad it can be to care about someone and discover that you didn't even know them and that they never even cared about you in the first place. On the slim positive side, at least now I know what's up. She put up a good front, I'll give her that. Well played A, well played. But remember..... karma is a bitch.

Funny that the thing that would bring me back to blogging would be total pissed off anger. Blogging is the world's best venting spot for me though, so, here I am again. Hmm. Anyway hi again everybody! :P

BFF

So I went out with my girl Dollface last night, and we had such a great time... ohhhh, I love how much we laugh when we go out! It's killer. The bar's karaoke alone last night had us in stitches, it was beyond great... we kept convincing people to go up and sing hilariously mismatched songs (watching tough boyz singing Hit Me Baby One More Time and Purple Rain was soooo funny, woot!) and we had so much fun.

And today I was thinking about how lucky I am to have met this awesome chick.



It's been a long time since I have felt like a had a really close girlfriend, and Dollface is definitely it. I felt good friendship chemistry from the very first time I met her, literally. She's got a great vibe and I knew she was someone I wanted to hang out with.

And since then, I've been so grateful for having her. She really is my BFF.

She never, ever gives up on me. Even when I am having really bad problems with my depression, she is patient and she is there long after everyone else takes their toys & goes home. I've had to break plans with her so many times- because of cars problems, or pet problems, or health problems- and she never complains or even has an attitude about it. She is so understanding. She never forgets about me and she never blows me off. I like that we can talk about anything. I think I understand her, and I'm sure she understands me. She's also got a great laugh and totally brings out the comedienne in me cause I like to make her laugh! And that's always a good thing. I am such a total goofball when I hang out with her.

I've just been thinking bout how glad I am to have her in my life.
Thanks for being my besty, Doll!!

Oh... and here's a bonus shot of new hair from last night :P

RIP kitty princess

Yesterday I had to say goodbye to a beloved & loyal friend of 18 years, my beautiful kitty Nico. I had to make that totally hard and crappy decision to have her put to sleep. Her liver had shut down due to old age, she had stopped eating, and there was just nothing more that could be done for her other than to spare her any more pain. Still I absolutely hated to have to make that decision. I miss her. I keep forgetting and looking around the corner into her basket but her basket is empty. A little piece of my heart is gone for sure. I'm trying to deal, and trying to focus on what a great f**king cat she was, and all the good memories I have of her....

Like how I rescued her from a dangerous alley behind our house when I was only 17... like how she was a wild little thing but she came right up into my hands with perfect trust... like how she was such a fluffy, funny, lively, curious, fearless little kitten...




...and how she grew up into such a gorgeous cat:




Nico was a total character. Everyone that knew her found her adorable. She loved baskets, she was a wicker fiend. One of her nicknames was 'Basket Case'. Another one of her nicknames was SataNico. You can see an example of the reason for both nicknames in the following photo:




She was a photographer's dream- an awesome cat model. She had such total attitude, yet posed for so many funny photos! She was also a rebel, a real rebel. Well, most cats are rebels I know, but Nico was a rebel among rebels, a hardcore cat...




She was just so beautiful. Her green eyes were insane... she had what we would call the Godzilla Stare, and she could look right through you with that shit. Nico was always independent. She loved her humans- the privileged chosen- and often hopped up on a lap, pushing her head insistently into her target's hand until she got got petted (or she'd just pet herself with the hand, either way!), but she didn't have much use for other animals...




You'd usually find her off on her own somewhere, bathing in the sun or sleeping in something basket-y. She had a very elegant air about her, and a slinky-cat walk. The fur on the back of her legs puffed up and out halfway down like a little frilly, froofy white pair of pantaloons and she walked with her tail pointed straight up above the fur 'knickers'... people used to laugh whenever they saw her walking away, couldn't help it... so funny looking with her fuzzy 'pants', Hell another one of her nicknames was 'Pants' heh...




Nico was an exceptionally healthy kitty for 99.9% of her long and amazing life. Only in the last couple of years had she started to look more like an old kitty, and she started sleeping a lot more, and even- *gasp*- started tolerating a few of her fellow house pets. Sometimes she even let Mia lie close to her while she slept- maybe she just liked the chihuahua body heat easing the ache of her old bones, or maybe she was mellowing out. Nico got sick with a serious feline respiratory infection a few months ago- it was going around El Paso, all of my cats got it in fact- and they told me then that Nico wouldn't survive it. She almost didn't. But with a lot of work on her part, and ours, she pulled though and was more Nico than ever. The past few months with her were great, she even started sleeping on my bed again and hanging out more than usual. She'd to climb up into my lap and curl into a purring ball as I sat at my computer, sometimes pushing my hands away from the keyboard to get herself a good petting or a scratch or two.




Then, last week, I woke up one day to find that Nico's skin had a yellowish tint... and the vet confirmed that it was liver failure, probably just due to age. We decided to give her a fighting chance anyway, putting her on some antibiotics on the off chance that it was just an infection (though the vet prepared us by telling us she doubted it) She seemed to be doing ok at first but gradually I could see that all the fight had just gone out of her, and she was just exhausted. She couldn't eat and was very weak. I couldn't watch her suffer any longer and had to make the decision I had been dreading all along.




Yesterday, we said goodbye to Nico, kitty princess and beloved kittycat, and she left the world a lady to the end. I miss her terribly. But I wouldn't trade it for the world, Hell no- this pain sucks but it was so worth the 18 years of love and friendship she gave to me. She had an attitude & a half- I used to say 'she's French', heheh, and she was named for the Velvet Underground's German chanteuese Nico, but it wasn't til years later that I learned that 'neko' is Japanese for 'cat', which was pretty cool too. She was a fussy eater but she loved french fries. Her personality always reminded me of that cat that PePe Le Pew always sexually harassed in his cartoons, heh. She was an awesome cat, funny and unique and loyal and beautiful. I never imagined a life without her.

Rest in peace, Miss Kitty. I love you, fuzzy girl.

randi

Sometimes, when you feel like the world is just out from under you, someone says just the right thing to make you feel safe again.

Strange that I come home, a bit drunk, to find the exact words that I needed to read waiting there for me. And from someone who could technically be termed a 'stranger'. Though in this case that description seems so ridiculous that it just does not apply.

Thank you, Randi. Just... thank you.

It's incredible to know that you have paid attention, that you understand, that you make a point to tell me so, and always in a way that makes me smile. I always look forward to reading anything you write me just for that very fact. And I'm not good with words right now, I'm drunk. But the things you say make me feel human again. If you are ready for a great big dose of Shady in your life, I'm ready to give it to you. Well as soon as I have email access again and can actually contact you :P

I heart you, Randi. Thank you for being there for me. And no I'm not just being all emotional because I am drunk. Haha.