Saturday, November 29, 2008

go be a snake

Life. Life life life life. What the Hell. Last time I posted here with the utmost naivete... talking about happiness with such simplicity... like it was ever that easy? It never is. And that's the beauty of it, in retrospect. Right?

As I write this I am not sober... I am riding on a warm lovely wave of drunken buzziness that tingles my limbs and lubricates my brain... lately I am learning to love myself so much, and also to be easier on myself, and to take care of myself. And to recognize the BULLSHIT. And to call it out when I see it. Last time I posted here I had a 'boyfriend'. A 24-year old, motorcycle-racing, death-defying, drug-snorting boyfriend. And wtf was I thinking on that one? Yeah. 35-year-old midlife crisis insanity... riding on the back of a bike at 195 mph... playing with guns and snakes and all manner of dangerous things that I would normally have a much healthier sense of respect for... who knows what I was thinking? But I straightened my shit and dumped the loser, and I got it together again. Dumbass Shady!

Right now I am in such a state of pureness... so in touch with myself. I am in love with life. I am letting myself go. I am feeling it all. Yeah yeah fuckers I know- you're all like "daaaaamn she's so wasted right right now!" ... and yeah, I am! But I am being sincere. Life is good. Life is worth living. It really is.

So last post I mentioned that I had inherited a pet snake- a 4 foot+ bull snake- and last week, I walked out into the desert and set him free. I watched him slither into the sandy desert floor, watched him feeling his freedom at last... and I told him, "Go be a snake, old man"... and he sidewinded off into the wild. It was fucking beautiful.
I let a little piece of myself go with him, into the wild, into freedom. Viva!


Anonymous said...

You got the right idea, taking care of yourself first. Don't need anyone like that guy hanging around. And mid life crisis?? We're Generation X, stuck between the baby boomers and Generation Y and the only ones keeping the world from sucking. Keep you're head high ! {{Shady}}


richardttu said...

Having had a couple of mid-life crises of my own, I know they serve their purpose. Only by exploring the edge, can we find we what we are looking for. It is all part of living life to the fullest.

Anonymous said...

You rock, and I love you. I call you soon, we discuss. ~Randi

Anonymous said...

Ok, so the other day I was walking around all stoned in the desert and I found myself some kinda four foot snake… haha Sounds like you had on hella of a fall! Gotta be pragmatic with this kinda stuff. No looking back.

Eight years later kids like these were out heroes.

Gen X--always in YOUR FACE! Never making sense... but always IN YOUR FACE!!!

Anonymous said...


Chris Brown said...

Well, it's nice to see that you're found yourself on solid ground again, if you get what I mean. People like that are trouble, no matter what age they are.

Anonymous said...

Mid-life crisis? What's that? ;)

As I've stated on another of your blogs, shake hands with a fellow Generation X'er - we're the master slackers. LOL!!!!!

Seriously though, sometimes, similar to what "richardttu" said, what you went through with little macho boy, that's the only way to get wise - you wised up, Shady Lady. Not a damn thing wrong with that. :D

Anonymous said...

Hi Shady ~

I've been following your Lost website and am glad to see you plan on updating it. I love goin to that site !!

My sincerest sympathies to you and your family. Take care

-Fan in San Diego

caitlin said...

oh hell yeah.