Tuesday, July 1, 2008

blogging into the void

Is this thing on? Can anybody hear me? *tap tap tap*

Blogging is both the easiest and the hardest thing for me to do. Easy, because I have always been a sort of human vessel that just pours forth everything that filters through me... it's very hard for me to self-edit, I just sort of spit out whatever it is that I am thinking or feeling without restraint. Always have.

And hard- because I am showing a very intimate side of myself when I write... despite all the fluffier pieces here and there about movies and fashion and other distractions, I am a person with a lot of serious baggage to handle, I've been through some very hard things, and exposing my life honestly & openly to the world is scary and intimidating. It's very easy to imagine how people might judge me about my clinical depression and my health problems, or my feelings about my little sister's murder and her murderer, or my other various trials and tribulations.

A big part of the reason I continue posting about these personal things like depression and loss is because I know there are people out there who are going through the same crap I am, who feel all alone, and who are afraid to talk about it openly. I hope to give those people some kind of sense that they are not alone. As for everyone else, I'm just hoping to maybe inform and entertain a little or just make 'em smile on occasion.

But the hardest thing about blogging is to keep going on when there is little or no feedback. Without comments, I have no idea if anyone is even reading this. Am I just throwing words into the world wide universe? Or are you guys lurking out there?

Previously, I blogged regularly for7 years before taking a break, so I am familiar with the frustration of receiving little feedback- it happens. And as a reader of blogs myself, I understand that lurking is not personal, I do it sometimes, too (though I have recently made a conscious decision to actually comment on the blogs I love, and it's been a really rewarding thing so far!) But since I am starting all over again here, it's easy to feel a little discouraged when I don't know if anyone is even reading any of this.

So if you're reading- drop a comment! Let me know my mike is plugged in, so to speak. Because without your feedback, I feel like I am, quite literally, blogging into the void...

19 comments:

Tara said...

You know I'm always here listening.
*hugs*

Christie said...

I always read, i'm just not much of a commentator. Sorry for that.

CinDLu said...

Me too, just lurking about. I lurv yer bloggin' and ya makka me larf!!!
{Hugs}

Chasemice said...

I enjoy your blog very much -- I even went back in time the other day to read older ones.

Shady said...

Babydoll... Christie... Cin-D-Loo... chasemice... THANKS! So there ARE people reading this blog. Yay! :D

Debra said...

awww, girlie.. you KNOW I'm always here - lurking, lurving, and talking to you in my head. *muah*

Spooky the Katt said...

Not only do I read, but I can relate with alot of what you have been through. I have started blogging but have yet to take off the layers and expose some pretty tragic things in my life. Your sharing inspires me to get to that place where I can start to open up more. I am a big fan of your art too. As a novice photographer I also look as well as read.

The Netherest said...

It's great to read your stuff Shades. The way you write, so fluently, a river of wurdz pouring forth from you, with no trouble at all it seems.
I love the way you dare to stand there -as you put it: emotionally naked- and share your deepest stuff with us out here.

Makes me love you a little bit more every time.
You're a priceless human pearl.

God -or whoever is responsible out there- bless you for blogging.

Newt said...

I'm here, too! I just don't say anything unless I feel like it's important to say. But if you like, I can make inane comments on each post. :)

richardwho said...

You caught me, one of those good-for-nothin' lurkers. My only excuse is that I have little worthwhile to say, and what I do say sounds sappy, dumb, or downright useless. I will comment more often. Just remember, you asked

--Richard

Anonymous said...

I love your blog. Always encouraging and entertaining. Keep blogging away!

bob-bobinson said...

I read! I read everything, nothing gets past me. :P

But seriously, I do care a lot, but I don't always know what to say, sometimes I think if I have nothing useful to add it's best if I just leave it alone.

I shall endeavour to comment more when things do come to mind though, but the rest of the time just know I will be still be reading.

Sebastian said...

"Am I just throwing words into the world wide universe? Or are you guys lurking out there?" Does it really matter? You should write for yourself. And do you respond to the people who comment or are they just left without knowing if you read what they wrote? Sounds like you may just be stroking your ego, no?

Shady said...

Deb... spooky... Netherest... newt... Richard... anon... & bb... thanks you guys, I had a feeling some of you were reading but wasn't sure, and it's really cool to see that you're out there :)

And Sebastian... I understand your point. And I DO write for myself, but most of that writing is kept private, for my eyes only. But blogging is a whole different animal- it's very public, and very interactive, it's not like just sitting at home writing in a journal. Comments are the lifeforce of the best blogs because people are getting engaged and providing feedback, which helps the blogger to know which directions to go in their subject matter. It's kind of like being a comedian- you always have to have fresh material that's constantly changing, and your audience response guides as to whether you're going in the right direction or not. I wasn't doing an ego stroke as much as a 'mike test', trying to see if my getting the word out on this new blog was working or not. And actually, I do try to respond to all of my commenters, I always have, just been a little slow on it this week due to some stuff going on here at home ;)

Sebastian said...

Oh I get it, cool. I dig what you write and your style.

Shady said...

Thanks Sebastian ;)
Though thinking about it, I do think that in ANY kind of public performance- be it music, comedy, dance, art, blogging, whatever- there has to be a leeeeeettle bit of an ego stroke to keep carrying on. Heh.

Anonymous said...

I read your blogs all the time and I am a big fan of your lost destinations website because I love photography and taking pictures of weird things too! I don't usually comment though because I don't really know you besides from your blogs and I felt weird doing it. But your blogs are always very inspiring and hard not to read
~sam

Shady said...

Hi Sam! Nice to 'meet' you, and thanks for all the kind words. I'm glad you are enjoying the blog, too.

okvegascowgirl said...

I'm getting better about commenting instead of anonymously enjoying the writing of others. And boyhowdy, do I enjoy your writing! I love the personal stuff AND the fluffy, fashion stuff. In general, I find you to be incredibly talented and entertaining, so please keep doin' what you're doin'!