go be a snake

Life. Life life life life. What the Hell. Last time I posted here with the utmost naivete... talking about happiness with such simplicity... like it was ever that easy? It never is. And that's the beauty of it, in retrospect. Right?

As I write this I am not sober... I am riding on a warm lovely wave of drunken buzziness that tingles my limbs and lubricates my brain... lately I am learning to love myself so much, and also to be easier on myself, and to take care of myself. And to recognize the BULLSHIT. And to call it out when I see it. Last time I posted here I had a 'boyfriend'. A 24-year old, motorcycle-racing, death-defying, drug-snorting boyfriend. And wtf was I thinking on that one? Yeah. 35-year-old midlife crisis insanity... riding on the back of a bike at 195 mph... playing with guns and snakes and all manner of dangerous things that I would normally have a much healthier sense of respect for... who knows what I was thinking? But I straightened my shit and dumped the loser, and I got it together again. Dumbass Shady!

Right now I am in such a state of pureness... so in touch with myself. I am in love with life. I am letting myself go. I am feeling it all. Yeah yeah fuckers I know- you're all like "daaaaamn she's so wasted right right now!" ... and yeah, I am! But I am being sincere. Life is good. Life is worth living. It really is.

So last post I mentioned that I had inherited a pet snake- a 4 foot+ bull snake- and last week, I walked out into the desert and set him free. I watched him slither into the sandy desert floor, watched him feeling his freedom at last... and I told him, "Go be a snake, old man"... and he sidewinded off into the wild. It was fucking beautiful.
I let a little piece of myself go with him, into the wild, into freedom. Viva!

taser guns + alcohol equals...

So last night we were hanging at my house when my crazy cousin Mike decided to see what it would be like to taser himself.

Here's what happened. Don't try this at home, kids.

spinning on that dizzy edge

Alcohol is coloring my brain in warm light right now. I feel buzzed, loose and relaxed. No anxiety. It's nice. I had a good time tonight with my friend Dollface tonight. We did our Thursday night girl's night out. I love hanging out with her so much. Weird but I knew she & I had the potential for a great friendship the very first time I laid eyes on her. It's so good to have someone to talk to.

I feel so out of place when I go out nowadays. I need to find the right place to hang out. I never feel 'at home' anywhere. Everyone is either way younger, or way older, than I am, everywhere I go. The music is not relatable to me. I feel lost and yeah- too old (or too young, depending on the place) I need a hangout. I need a niche.

And now I need my bed. The room is spinning oh my. And I only had 4 drinks!

*hic*

Being drunk is so freeing. Being drunk lets you say whatever is in your brain and you don't even have to remember it the next day. I am drunk right now. I feel like I should take advantage of this momentous freedom of the Id but I can't think of anything intelligent to say. Hahahaha.

The world is shiftng, side to side, but verrrrry slowly. I have so mayny briliiant things to say but I cant type. Damn.